The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

(this is raw unedited text transcribed directly from the audio)

Bad Choices

Your mental health can't escape your lies

(this is raw unedited text transcribed directly from the audio)

Now my husband and I were recently at a restaurant. We went out for a romantic meal together and at the next table, very close to us - you know how you go for a romantic meal but you end up almost sitting with the people next to you - was another couple, middle aged couple, and they were with a middle aged guy. The guy's wife wasn't there and they shared their regrets. We couldn't not hear anything. Then the guy just starts talking about how, you know, my high school reunion is coming up and boy, I would love to go to that reunion and you know, I had such a good time at my last reunion. I had a really good time. You know why? Because my ex-girlfriend was there, my girlfriend from high school was there, Susanne. She was such a sweetheart and I drank a little bit too much that night. I was really happy and boy, we had a really nice time together. I never told my wife, but I think my wife suspects something is up because she doesn't want me to go to the high school reunion this year and I started to get calls from Susanne and Susanne finally said, "I guess this is going nowhere?" Yeah, I guess. Should I go to that high school reunion or not?

Now, of course this is no longer a romantic dinner for my husband and I because we're involved in somebody who has obviously either had an affair - and I think he had - or was considering it. Your choices matter! What choices he makes really matter, even if he could "get away" with an affair, can he really ever escape the fact that he's living a double life? That he's cheating on his wife? Now, if it's a bad marriage, he needs to have that discussion with his wife. But what image does he have of himself if he gets drunk, sleeps with a former girlfriend, and then goes back to his marriage and then is tempted to do it again? What type of a mind is he creating for himself? What type of values does he have? What affect does it have on him long-range, on his own self image? That's the core. It does take a toll on him and on anyone who has been in that type of a situation. 

I'm Dr. Ellen Kenner. My show is The Rational Basis of Happiness, and if you're struggling with a very difficult decision - maybe you're married to this guy. Maybe you're one of the kids and this is your dad doing this and you find out. What do you do in situations like that? Maybe you're Susanne, the old high school girlfriend and you don't know how to deal with this. Or, maybe you're the guy that is doing this and you feel like you don't want to continue leading this type of a lifestyle. Can you change yourself? Of course you can change yourself. Does it take work? Does it take skills and knowledge and effort? Of course it does. But that's what clinical psychology is all about. That's what therapy is all about. Good therapy teaches you thinking skills and that's what we do on this show.