Excerpt 1: What Is Romantic Love? (from chapter 1)

Excerpt 2: Core Virtues (from chapter 5)

INTEGRITY
means being loyal to your rational convictions in action. A breach of integrity means acting against your own convictions. Having courage, that is, remaining true to your values in the face of threat, is an aspect of integrity. It also means not giving up your values for a momentary emotional high. A wife may profess to love her husband, but she brushes that off for a quick, mindless affair. A man may know he needs to exercise regularly, diet, and stop smoking, but he suppresses that knowledge for “just a moment”—every day, for years.

Breaches of integrity cost us our self-respect, not to mention our romantic happiness. When we let ourselves down again and again, we lose trust in ourselves and others lose trust in us. (top)

INDEPENDENCE
is your commitment to think for yourself and to earn your own keep. The proper basis for coming to conclusions in any area of your life (be it romance, career, moral beliefs, even practical decisions) is by not going blindly by what your parents, friends, neighbors, colleagues, or religious and political leaders tell you, but going by your own best, rational judgment. You may get very useful facts from others but you still need to judge others’ claims for yourself. Independence is your refusal to accept any idea without evidence. Dependence is a mirror of what others want, and as a result, one loses control of one’s life and destroys any sense of self.

Independence is not only thinking for yourself but also living by your own effort, which includes living within your means. (top)

JUSTICE
means appraising and acting toward other people in accordance with facts; treating them as they deserve. Justice is reason applied to your relationships with others. It is based on what Ayn Rand calls “the trader principle.” A “trader is a man who earns what he gets and does not give or take the undeserved.” The very foundation of love is a trade: you offer your virtue and other attributes in return for those of your partner. Ayn Rand writes, “Love is the expression of one’s values, the greatest reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another.”

Justice demands showing appropriate appreciation for your partner’s character and actions and making them feel visible. It also means making sincere apologies when you have hurt or wronged them. In healthy romantic relationships, partners must practice the principle of justice or else resentments build and relationships deteriorate. (top)

PRODUCTIVITY
is the process of creating material values (goods or services). Living requires material values. If nobody worked, how would you get your home, food, clothes, car, or medical care? Material values are not just a matter of surviving at the subsistence level. The goods and services we buy are healthy sources of pleasure—books, appliances, jewelry, art, personal computers, massages, vacations, and much more. (We are NOT advocating using things, including money, as status symbols—this shows a lack of independence and makes you feel chronically insecure, because there is always someone who has more.)

Productivity requires having a long-range focus on a career, developing the skills you need to be employable and earn money. Your career gives you a sense of purpose and the financial ability to trade with others in order to sustain and enrich your life; it gives you a sense of pride in yourself.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re unlovable unless you have a job or career right now. You may be going through a tough personal time, be between jobs, or be unemployed by circumstances beyond your control. Or perhaps you’re caring for children or elderly family members. If you are making a genuine effort to improve your situation, you may be perfectly lovable and moral.

Having a productive purpose gives meaning to your life. What’s the meaning of your own life? It’s the important, personal values and goals that you choose and pursue. (top)

PRIDE,
according to Ayn Rand, “is the sum of all virtues.” Many people believe that pride is a vice. We all dislike pompous, boastful people, but these people feel false pride. Their pomposity and boastfulness serve to hide inner doubt. Martyrs can also feel false pride for having given up all self-value for the sake of others; but they end up feeling resentful, cynical, empty, and depressed.

We view real or earned pride as a virtue; it results from the desire to be moral, or more succinctly, a consequence of your “moral ambitiousness.” You earn a sense of pride by deliberately practicing the virtues we’ve discussed and building them into your character.

You can properly take pride in the practical accomplishments resulting from your virtues (a successful business venture, a successful romantic relationship). You can also take pride in having done your best even when things do not turn out as desired (a failed business venture, a failed romantic relationship); practical outcomes are not always fully in your control.

Pride, like all the virtues, is available to everyone, whether rich or poor, highly educated or a high school dropout. The main question to ask yourself is, given your situation and knowledge: Do you work to make yourself virtuous? If you do—you are building moral character and making yourself more fit to live and more lovable.

Does being virtuous mean one never acts out of character? No, but a moral person will recognize and admit their error, take steps to correct it, and make amends, if possible and appropriate. In sum, a rational (reality-oriented) moral code gives you the best chance to live happily and successfully. (top)